Too many things

Wellcome to the new episode of my daily life where I have to deal with crap. Well I wouldn’t blame this for 2014 😦 but still Why 2014 did you only have me to mess with .
With a new year ahead I never thought things would be better than last year. I had not even expected but still life alway tends to give me lemons w/o salt to finish that last shot of tequila 😦

I do feel very low and angry same time. And good thing to know about me is you should never get close to me then necessary when I am angry. I am an emotional unstable kid and I can easily make you hate me faster than you really think. 🙂

Well I have troubles too (who doesnt right). My friends usually think I am a happy go lucky kid. With less problems and a luxury life. I ask them to come out of that fantasy though (its a really sweet imagination though , i would like to be like they imagined like for always). 🙂

I prefer to hide my pain inside, I belive thats the best thing to do. When you let out things you will always end up being judged ( and thats what I fear most of the time) 😦  We all have our own story that we want to hide, like for me too I dont want to show up sometime. And I want people to understand I get sad too and feel miserable sometime. But still my face is too cute to show that I am in pain. And everyone says I look happy thats when the little me inside my head cry out loud saying ”I AM NOT HAPPY” 😦

I do hurt people when I am angry ( well its natural) unknowinlgly. The anger rush into me like a flowing waterfall so fast and furious in a distructive way. 😦

Later when I regret of what I did to hurt other (in anger) slowly flow of guilt gets into my heart body and mind like a poison. I cant think of anything but just feel sorry. 😦  its like if even they say ‘OK  and its allright’  by now I still feel bad and cant stop feeling bad. I dont know if its hate or regret situation I would just feel like locking myself up inside my closet. 😦

Sometime I wonder why I am living this life and not any other maybe the one thats more easier. Sometimes I wonder if I did wrong to others for being things so complicated to me. And sometimes I think living easier life would be boring but I am too tired of living the one I have right now. Thoughts of giving up does come to my mind but I am happy to have few friends who understands me when i have grey clouds above me. Seriously if its not of you few guys I would have already gone missing i guess. Life surely is complicated if you dont have friends.

XOXO
Malika
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